Friday, February 15, 2008

February thoughts

I've been meaning to write a little something of late as to how I've been feeling as a father. Afterall, Sam is approaching the 2 month mark (only 3 more days!!!) and this fatherhood thing has started to settle in. He really is an incredible little bugger. He smiles a lot now, makes sounds and is really starting to interact with his world. He has friends (albeit stuffed) and recognizes Mommy and Daddy. It is really amazing to watch.

So how do I feel? Well, I was overcome with pride and joy when Lucy and Sam came to visit me at work last week. They got to meet my friends and co-workers and have some cake. And I can't stop looking at Sam. For one, he is incredibly cute, but he also changes everyday and I feel like I don't want to miss a thing. It truly is amazing and I have a hard time expressing exactly what it is a feel, but suffice it to say, I do feel.

I came across this passage from blogger Joshua Micah Marshall about fatherhood and I think it characterizes my feelings pretty well.

But I think most of all because of my wife and my son, who in addition to being this amazing, rambunctious little person, is allowing me to fit my own life better into a context of impermanent things, invest myself in his just started as opposed to my half-run race. But beyond all those organized thoughts I find fatherhood simply a mystery, a very concrete one I find sitting in my bed in front of me each morning, but one that hits me in some suddenly brand new way several times a day and has wrapped me into a kind of love and devotion completely different from anything I've ever experienced before and something I really wasn't able to imagine or get close to beforehand.

I don't like it when people project their own experiences into a template for other peoples lives. But speaking for myself I do not think I could feel complete as a person, fully accept this boundedness as a person, or fully know what it was to be one without the turned-upside-down experience I'm having as a father.
More later.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

My Chris, I find you amazing and to think I gave birth to you and somehow helped to create the miracle that is you. You were born to be a wonderful father. You are such a great nurturer, so gentle and kind...a bit sarcastic now and then to add to the mix.
So I will tell it to the world, I am so proud you are my son.
And Lucy, as I get to know you more and more, the more I respect and love you.
Sam is so lucky to have you both as parents. He is such a special baby boy.
You fill my heart with joy and love.
Gramma Deb